i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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