At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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