Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
