i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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