i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
