What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
