If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
