I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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