i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
