Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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