Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
