I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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