Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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