Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
