dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
