apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
