I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
