saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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