my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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