I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
