He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
