i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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