the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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