Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
