that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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