I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
