Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
