but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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