So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize