dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what day is it and did you see me today?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
