you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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