My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
