so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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