The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
