he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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