She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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