watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
