nut hugger
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
