My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
