Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
