could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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