the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
