don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
