If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
