I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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