the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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