First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
