you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
