Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
