Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
